Yet Another Pointless Site: How Many 5 Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight?

I was busy at work one day saving the planet from big evil corporations that siphon the world's resources on pointless products like a USB noodle strainer, when a colleague at work sent me a link to How Many 5 Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight? The URL was awesome so I had to click on it. I have often pondered this scenario in my head and according to my calculations I figure I could take out about 35 kids minimum. Check out my score below.

24

While you took this test over 1,000 children died of preventable diseases and or hunger. =)

Writing With Light: Slow Shutter Photography

Here are some pictures from last weekend. My batteries ran out but I managed to snap some nice flix. Here I was having some fun with slow shutter photography. Small point and shoot cameras tend to suck at night and with no tripod it can be hard to get a nice photograph. Might as well play with the settings to get something a little more abstract but still interesting and compelling.

I am very interested in nature, design, architecture, and city planning. So I tend to take pictures of highways, roads, bridges, tunnels, buildings, and nature (in a huge metropolis). Here is my BQE series highlighting my 2nd most favorite expressway in NYC. The Grand Central Parkway is my favorite because I drive it all the time and has generally less traffic than the super congested BQE, but not nearly as nice views.

Time To Face The Strange: Changes or WTF Is Happening To Me?

Lately I've noticed that my voice has been changing. I think I may finally have hit puberty like I read about in the books. I can't really be sure why it is but its different at least for now. I like to sing along to music, usually at home when no one is around or in the car by myself. I've noticed that certain songs I used to be able to sing along to are now out of range. My voice will just crack or altogether disappear. I suspect it may have something to do with smoking cigarettes but no other smokers I know has ever experienced such a change in such a short amount of time. Well it has also allowed me to sing along to a bunch of songs I previously could not. So here is my cover of the new Foo Fighters song off their new record Echos, Silence, Patience, and Grace, Come Alive.

Lyrics and guitar tab

Foo Fighters - Come Alive

Review Of The New Foo Fighters Album Echoes, Silence, Patience, And Grace

After waiting 2 years since 2005's double disc "In Your Honor" the Foo Fighters finally dropped a new album "Echoes, Silence, Patience, And Grace." Dave Grohl and company have done it again. This time around Dave is sporting long hair as in the early Foo days of over 10 years ago. I think its official Dave Grohl will be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice joining legends such as Paul McCartney, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Eric Clapton, George Harrison, Paul Simon, Neil Young, David Crosby, Curtis Mayfield, Steven Stills, Sam Cooke, and Jimmy Page.

Please note that I don't give lyrics as much weight as melody, musicality, composition, the overall feel of the song, and how memorable it is. I think music is universal and should be able to communicate without one understanding the language.

First Thoughts
I heard that Steely Dan was a big influence on this album, I'm not really familiar with their music outside of their more mainstream hits, but I suspect I know what parts are derived from them. There is definitely a common thread in many of the songs, especially the ones that start off soft. They start off acoustic like songs off of In Your Honor but then crescendo into hard rocking Foo Fighters style. Finally, there are many moments where a particular line gets repeated many times usually to bridge the movements in the song. This happens on at least 3 of the tracks, Let It Die, Come Alive, and But Honestly.

The Good

Track 1: "The Pretender" (4:29)

This is the first single off the new album. It came out in August and has a slick but good video. The Foos seem to have 2 kinds of videos, the serious artistic kind like "All My Life," and "Best Of You," and then the silly kind like "Breakout," and "Learn To Fly" (I wish they would stick to the serious kind). This song is typical kick ass Foo rock. It has a nice quiet, loud, quiet, really loud dynamic that is everywhere on this album. It opens in an A minor arpeggio that remenisint of Stairway To Heaven.

Track 2: "Let It Die" (4:05)

This is one of those songs of theirs that starts off soft, gentle, and sparse but then gets big and rockin. No surprise there since the Foo Fighters are influenced by his former band (Nirvana) and The Pixies (Gil Norton produced several Pixies albums and the Foo Fighters' The Color And The Shape and this album). This is one of the best tracks on this album and possible in the entire Foo Fighters library of great songs. Can't wait to see this song performed live.


Track 3: "Erase Replace" (4:12)

This is one of those straight rockin' numbers. It is another badass rock song that will be a crowd pleaser when played live. It is more sophisticated than other Foo songs in the same genre. The intro starts of complicated, the verse is simple, the chorus crescendos, then the bridge takes it to another place. The bridge, simple soft but textured and complex, is my favorite part of the song.

Track 4: "Long Road To Ruin" (3:44)

This is a radio friendly and at 3:44 running time radio ready pop rock song. The Foo Fighters can still write a radio friendly song to pay the bills. This is not one of my favorite songs on the album but it is notoriously catchy and good for what it is a pop rock song destined for radio. The record company probably begged them for a song like this, and they delivered.

Track 5: "Come Alive" (5:10)

This is one of those very transitiony songs and shows that the Foo's are growing as musicians and in crafting songs exploring new areas that they haven't before. It was only a matter of time. This song features a different tuning with the high e string tuned up a whole step to F#. Again in this song there is a lot of repetition of the line "come alive," but its used in such a good way that it only adds to the power of the song. Usually repeating any one line too much can kill a song, but they do it masterfully on at least 3 occasions this being the best example. This song clocks in at just over 5 minutes but it doesn't seem that long at all. Kudos to the Foo Fighters on yet another brilliant song.

Track 6: "Stranger Things Have Happened" (5:20)

This could have been on disc 2 of "In Your Honor," its a Foo ballad. A folky sound is all over this album but never sacrificing melody and attitude. This is a very nice acoustic number that is mostly just Dave with a bit of accompaniment here and there. Songs like this really make this album stand out to me. I don't see a video being made for this or it ever getting on the radio. However its gems like this that make checking out an album totally worth it.

Track 9: "The Ballad Of The Beaconsfield Miners" (2:32)

Dave Grohl wrote this instrumental piece for 2 miners in the Beaconsfield mine collapse in Tasmania, Australia, in 2006. A few days after the collapse, while the rescue was still being planned, one of the miners requested that an iPod be sent down to them, filled with Foo Fighters songs. Dave Grohl heard about this story, and wrote a note to them stating, "Though I'm halfway around the world right now, my heart is with you both, and I want you to know that when you come home, there's 2 tickets to any Foos show, anywhere, and 2 cold beers waiting for yous. Deal?" The men were safely rescued, and one took Dave up on his offer, at a Foo Fighters acoustic show in Sydney. Grohl played this piece for the meeting with the miner, and assured him it would be on the next Foo Fighters album. This all instrumental number is unlike anything the Foo Fighters have ever attempted and is actually a very nice guitar song. He is really stretching his ability on this one.

Track 10: "Statues" (3:47)

Here is another song I suspect is influenced by Steely Dan. This is a Foo Fighters song that grew out of the piano, a first for the Foos. This is definitely unlike anything they have done before and they do it very well. They are really crafting some beautiful songs on this album that are more rich and complex than anything they have done before. This is another standout for this album.

Track 10: "But Honestly" (3:47)

Yet another song I suspect is influenced by Steely Dan (I really should check them out). It starts off sounding a lot like the opening from Floaty off of their first album, then goes to a place all its own. Another of the songs that start off softly and then crescendos. This time it is done by repeating "I give it to you" to dramatic effect. Yet another brilliant song on this album. They are on a tear.

The So So

Track 7: "Cheer Up Boys, Your Makeup Is Running" (3:40)

This is a radio friendly and at 3:40 running time radio ready pop rock song. The Foo Fighters can still write a radio friendly song to pay the bills. This is not one of my favorite songs on the album but it is notoriously catchy and good for what it is a pop rock song destined for radio. The record company probably begged them for a song like this, and they delivered.

Track 12: "Home" (4:45)

This song is closes out the album oficially and contains a lyric which is what the album is named after, "echoes, silence, patience, and grace." Its a nice song with mostly piano but it's just not as good IMHO as the rest of the album which is pretty damn awesome. So in comparison its not as good, but it sure is better than "Tired of You."

Track 13: "Once And For All" (3:48)

This is a bonus track so I don't really count it that much, and I really haven't given it too many listens to fairly review it but it just does not compare to the other great songs on this album. I read other reviews that this has some good guitar riffs and drumming, but nothing really stood out to me.

The Bad

There was nothing on this album that I would say is bad. I wasn't crazy about some songs but they may grow on me.

Overall I would place this as their best album ever, ahead of their self titled debut album and In Your Honor which would have been a killer one CD album but still a very good double album. This album really shows their maturity as songwriters and performers. This album is for the fans who have been following them from over 10 years ago and are older, wiser, and have a more discerning ear. They have just raised the bar with this album and will be hard to top themselves. I wish they swapped out a few songs or left them as B-sides like "Cheer Up Boys," but the record company probably begged them to keep it in there. I could have done better with an old Foo song that never made it on a studio album like "Damn You, Damn Everyone" or even a cover song. Still kudos to Dave and the rest of the Foos for creating another brilliant album.

On a scale of 1 to 100 (because a 5 star rating system is not fair).

Echoes, Silence, Patience, And Grace scores a biased 91 and is totally worth checking out if you are into rock and roll or the Foo Fighters. This is one of the best albums they have put out and will be listening to this record for years to come.

Modern Classics: John Lennon - Love (Acoustic Cover)

Here is another gem of a song written by one of the most successful singer/songwriters in history, John Lennon. He is a master at crafting beautiful songs with many classics to his credit. Paul McCartney is actually the most successful songwriter ever and is brilliant in his own right, but Lennon was always the better lyricist in many people's opinion. I have to agree with that, he puts more effort in his lyrics. This isn't a great example of great lyrics but it does the job. I like the juxtaposition in the lyrics. The song has a clear structure and is a good example of how it can benefit the song.

There are tons of songs written about love but this is one of my favorites because its a little more removed but still very moving, and its simply called "Love." This song is pretty but kind of sad, kind of like Love itself. It makes good use of 7th chords without sounding too silly, it is actually quite a serious song. On the original song its played on piano, here is my rendition on guitar. Again I do not do the original any justice, but I do love this song.

John Lennon - Love

(D)Love is (F#m)real,(C#7)real is (F#m)love.
(D7)Love is (G)feeling,(A7sus4)(A7)(A7sus2)(A7)feeling (D)love
(F#m)Love is (Em7)wanting, (A7)to be (D)love.

(D)Love is (F#m)touch,(C#7)touch is (F#m)love.
(D7)Love is (G)reaching, (A7sus4)(A7)(A7su2)(A7)reaching (D)love.
(F#m)Love is (Em7)asking, (A7)to be (D) love.

(D)Love is (F)you, (G)you and (D)me.
(D)Love is (Em)knowing, (G) we can (D)be.

(D)Love is (F#m) free, (C#7)free is (F#m)love.
(D7)Love is (G) living, (A7sus4)(A7)(A7sus2)(A7)living (D)love.
(F#m)Love is (Em7)needing, (A7)to be (D)love.

John Lennon - Love (Acoustic Cover)

In Loving Memory of Jet Espinosa. May You RIP 1996-2007

August 24 2007 approximately 1PM Jet my second dog passed away after being diagnosed with heart disease since December of 2006. It has now been confirmed that his heart exploded. His little lungs were filling with fluid, making it difficult to breath. His heart was expanding and was bound to give out sometime this year. He was 11 but still passed for a puppy in the eyes of many. Sadly, he died a virgin never knowing how it feels to be inside someone else's body. He was the son of Junior, a handsome chihuahua indeed, and a true gentleman of a dog. He enjoyed scaring little children, starting doggy beef with dogs 3 times his size, and trying to hump his father. He never cared much for chasing after anything. He had problems with anxiety in general because of growing up in a tumultuous household. He was afraid of going down the stairs of my building after taking a tumble early in his career as a pet. He liked to lick my face often trying to get at the boogers in my nose.

This really couldn't have happened at a worse time. The old saying when it rains, it pours is seeming very true as of late. Seems like nothing can go right for this blogger. Even traffic has gone down significantly. This is probably one of the worst summers ever for me, and definitely the worst August ever. Something good has to happen soon or else I don't know what I'm gonna do. I believe everything tries to balance itself out, even luck. I figure I'm due for some good luck to come around my way. I played the Mega Millions, maybe that pans out, or maybe I hit the jackpot in Atlantic City. What's gone so bad to merit such luck you ask. That's for an upcoming blog post.

I dedicate this song in your loving memory, the song you were named after. By Paul McCartney and Wings with power mullets and all. Here's to you old friend.

Modern Classics: Radiohead - There There (Acoustic Cover)

Unfortunately a lot of rock music on the radio and MTV today is lacking in quality. There are some bands however that have come out since the 90's that are shoe ins to make it into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame. Some of these have to be Guns N' Roses, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden, Oasis, Blur, Linkin Park, Foo Fighters, Coldplay, and of course Radiohead. There are many more to include but few are as deserving as Radiohead.

Not only are they an amazing band with great songs, they are brilliant songwriters that have written some modern classics, that is they are destined to be classics and be listened to forever, kind of like Pink Floyd. One fine example is their first single off of their latest studio album Hail To The Thief, There There.

This song starts off with an unique drum groove that really sets the tone for the song. It has a song structure that has it crescendo, it builds up in emotion and power saving the best for last. It has verse, prechorus, verse, prechorus, bridge, chorus, chorus, solo, chorus, chorus. Few songs execute a structure like this and make it work so well.

I'm not really sure what this song is about. But it seems like its about being alone in a world that seems so different than from what you are, an alienated soul. It could also be about unrequited love. Its hard to say with lyrics so purposefully ambiguous. Regardless, its a beautiful song that is as emotionally stirring as it is badass.

Here is my attempt of doing a cover of this great song. Of course I butcher it since no one can ever have such a man pretty voice like Thom Yorke.

Radiohead - There There Lyrics

Verse
in pitch dark
i go walking in your landscape.
broken branches
trip me as i speak.

Prechorus
just 'cause you feel it
doesn't mean its there.
just 'cause you feel it
doesn't mean its there.

Verse
There's always a siren
Singing you to shipwreck
(Don't reach out, don't reach out Don't reach out, don't reach out)
Steer away from these rocks
We'd be a walking disaster
(Don't reach out, don't reach out Don't reach out, don't reach out)

Prechorus
just 'cause you feel it
doesn't mean its there.
(theres someone on your shoulder)
(theres someone on your shoulder)
just 'cause you feel it
doesn't mean its there.
(theres someone on your shoulder)
(theres someone on your shoulder)

Bridge
There there!

Chorus
why so green and lonely?
and lonely
and lonely

Chorus
heaven sent you
to me
to me
to me

[SOLO]

Chorus
we are accident waiting,
waiting
to happen.

Chorus
we are accidents waiting,
waiting
to happen

Radiohead - There There

Cover Songs: The Beatles - Across The Universe

Here is an example of brilliant songwriting by The Beatles. This is a John Lennon song 'Across The Universe" that has his patented progression XM to X7. This song has been covered by Fiona Apple, Rufus Wainright, David Bowie, Sean Lennon, Phish among others. This is off their Let It Be album. Of course I don't do this song justice but its a very pretty song with colorful lyrics and I kind of like it.

The Beatles - Across The Universe (Acoustic Cover)

My First Bachelor Party

Caturday night is for debauchery and that is exactly what was delivered for my good friend Fernando's bachelor party. Too bad he will not remember most of it. Good for him that for once I do and even have pictures to prove it. The bachelor party was being held at a restaurant called Mustang Grill & Tequilla lounge located on 85th street and 2nd avenue. I arrived late to find that the strippers had already arrived and were writhing on the floor. My inner pervert rejoiced but I was mostly interested in eating since I hadn't eaten all day except for a couple of pints of Guinness which is almost a meal in itself. The only food I found was a handful of fried calamari but no marinara sauce. WTF?! I was a bit ticked off at that and told the dude to get some more grub out soon or else.

I proceeded to get the nourishment I needed by hitting the open bar. I didn't want to go overboard which has been the trend lately so I got some Coronas to start. It was a Mexican food place after all. Tequilla shots followed but it was not enough to convince me that it is way too early for strippers to be here. After all we had until 1AM, by this time it was like 8:30PM and I already missed a good hour of stripper action. I continued to battle with my old foe tequila. I won the battle this time by not letting him do me in. In our lifetime matchups its been Tequilla 17, Malcolm 4. Today was different, I was actually able to hang. Drink count so far 3.

There were 2 sets of 3 strippers. The first batch was pretty wild but they were there so early and I missed out on a lot of the stuff. They did whip out some interesting props. By props of course I mean sex toys, a whole assortment that included, dildos, double dildos, anal beads, and strap ons. We were treated to some good girl on girl action with the bachelor getting the best view of it all. Drink count 5.

As usual they were not cool with taking pictures. We did manage to get a few shots in however. When the strippers left it was back to the sausage party, but by this time the food had arrived. We ate, drank, caught up with some of the people I haven't seen in a while. Drink count 8. Three more strippers were on the way.

It was still early maybe 10PM and we had booked the place until 1 so it looked like I should pace myself with the drinks from here on out. The strippers arrived and performed on top of the bachelor taking full advantage of his inebriated state. He did not last much longer and halfway through the show he had to get up and puke not more than 5 feet from our beloved strippers. What a n00b. His bro and best man took him to the bathroom to help him recover. I would have helped too but I pretty much missed out on the first set of strippers so I had to play catch up. They were actually kind of lame compared to the first set and definitely left earlier than they were supposed to. What a ripoff! More drinks please! Drink count 10. To add insult to injury the open bar was closed. WTF! and they told us our party was over even though we had it booked till 1AM. It was not even midnight and it was done. Best man fucked it up with the choosing of the location and lousy, though raunchy strippers. Hey Xeno, thx 4 da tirdz!

Now this was my first bachelor party of what I'm sure will be many more. This is by default the one to beat, not that that says much.

Cover Song: Foo Fighters - Virginia Moon (Acoustic Cover)

As promised a while back. I want to post some of my original music creations on this blog as well as some cover songs of songs that I like and am learning to play. Here is the first one. This is a song by the Foo Fighters, it's called Virginia Moon and is from their last studio album In You Honor, which is very good if you haven't heard it yet. It was a 2CD set with side one classic Foo rock and side 2 a softer mellower more acoustic Foo. This is from disc 2 and features Nora Jones adding her beautiful, dreamy, raspy voice to Dave Grohl's soft, subtle singing. She has a great voice. Oh lawd please don't laugh.

Foo Fighters - Virginia Moon

LOLCAT Of The Week: THX 4 DA TIRDZ

LOLCATS are awesome and I can't get enough of them. Here is a totally brand new LOLCAT that I made, hopefully makes the rounds and spreads all over the internet. You can easily make your own by visiting the Cheezeburger Factory section of ICanHasCheezeburger.

Da Winner

When someone dicks you over or brings more work your way you can say hey buddy, thanks for the turds, or just send this pic to them. Thats how we do it. You'll be surprised how much you need to say it. No rly!

1st Runner Up

This is funny, but I can't take credit for this one. I think we all can relate to this on some level. I'm seriously considering getting cats just to take good pictures of them to make lolcats of them. I wonder how cooperative they would be. Nothing a little maryjane couldn't fix.

New Jersey Guitar Show

I love music, and I'm into guitars so I certainly did not pass up a chance to help out my old boss at the guitar show in Somerset NJ this past weekend, firstly because I don't have to spend a dime and secondly I contribute to the chillin fund. Now even though this was in Jersey, and I do hate NJ, I went anyway. To start off the directions to the place where awful. We got lost on the way there. I was the navigator so I guess I'm at fault and not the bad directions. I'm retarded for not MapQuesting that shit.

Guitar Show attendees are interesting creatures indeed. They are often of mature age, I would say 40's and up. Have long hair in a pony tail, unsuccessfully hidden under a baseball cap. The place was totally a sausage fest with only the occasional girlfriend, daughter, or wife. There were hardly any females that weren't there because of a male. What I'm saying is there are very few female guitar players out there.

The guys that come to these shows are pretty experienced players, many of them with young kids 8-12 that can easily play 5 times better than I can. Truly demoralizing. I take comfort in the fact that I could easily kick their ass. The place was loud with sounds of blues solos that all sound the same going on at the same time. Then of course there are the Jazz guys playing their endless runs that seem to go nowhere. I could hardly hear my self play. I had plenty of time to get good practice in though. I tried to remember how to play some songs that I like. I am notorious for forgeting how to play stuff.

I did see plenty of guitars I would like to get including a Sea Foam Green early 60s Fender Jaguar in good condition. The scene stealer of the show however was an actual 1958 Gibson Les Paul "Burst" in near mint condition. There are few of these left and even fewer available for sale. They were asking $550,000 for this one. It went unsold at this show. There was easily several million dollars in vintage instruments at the show not to mention all the cash that was circulating around. Security was basically a joke. I kept thinking about how I could pull a heist in one of these places, how seemingly easy it would be.

Apple iPhone A Mini Review: Typing Is Hard

So the other day I was on 5th avenue on my way to Tiffany's to return something. It was excruciatingly hot out so I took shelter at the Mac Store of course! This was my first time there and it was definitely pretty cool. The place is designed nicely and they have plenty of gadgets out for you to play with. I was drooling over the big Apple Mac Pro towers with their huge LCD monitors. They are so cool, but pricey as hell. I'm good with my iMac for now. They had plenty of iPhones out to play with so I grabbed one and started messing with it.

First thing I noticed is that it is thinner than I had thought and that the screen resolution looked really good considering the screen was touched by who knows how many sweaty, sticky, and dirty hands. The user interface was nice and similar to Mac OS X so it was very familiar. Next I tried watching some videos on YouTube. This was very easy to do and fast. The resolution of the videos was also very good. You see the videos in wide screen mode. However typing is a mess. You can't get the virtual keyboard to appear while in wide screen mode. That really pissed me off. Typing on the iPhone took a long ass time. Next I tried to connect to the internet and read my blog. Its wi-fi worked great but loading a page was slow. Typing into the search box was a pain in the ass. Eventually I was able to do it but honestly I don't think I would want to spend so much time to get to one site. Over time you can bookmark frequently visited pages. It would be good to import your bookmarks or integrate a social bookmarking tool like delicious.

Overall though I would say its pretty cool gadget and they were selling like hotcakes the whole time I was there. Its just too much for this blogger to justify. If they get better apps for it I would definitely consider it. In the meantime I'll wait for the next gen iPhone.

Buying A New MP3 Player When An iPod Just Won't Do

I'm in the market for a new MP3 player. Its been a while since I shopped around for one. I recently lost my beloved iRiver 320 after 3 years of being together. Now I know everyone has an iPod but this just won't do for my purposes. I need something easy to carry, big enough hard drive or flash memory, and it must have a built in mic for recording voice or anything else. This is critical and this is where the iPod fails. Sure I can get the mic attachment but this makes for a big fumbly device that is just too expensive to justify. I'm willing to spend $300 tops, maybe a bit more if I can get more use out of it. Here is what I'm looking for:

Plays MP3s
Plays Ogg Vorbis files
Plays MP4 video
Records to MP3 from built in mic
Not fragile
Good Battery Life
Plug and Play

Finally after much research I decided to get the Creative Zen 30 Gb MP3 Player. It beat out the rest because it has a bigger color screen than the iPod. In fact it is strictly widescreen similar to the Apple iPhone. It also was availeble on eBay fro less than $150 . I forgot to keep track of the bid but ended up buying a similar one for $175, $25 more than I was about to spend, but still its a worthy investment if it turns out to work OK.

Lately I've been having too many emotions bottled up that it was leading to increased creativitly that I have to get down on some kind of medium. I will attempt to share these moments with all of you to usher in a new era of recording ideas, now on a new medium.

LOLCAT Of The Week: INVISIBLE VIBRATOR!

LOLCATS are awesome and I can't get enough of them. Here is a totally brand new LOLCAT that I put together but can't take credit for since the image and caption were provided by Yasemin who appreciates the lolcats almost as much as I do. Hopefully this makes the rounds and spreads all over the internet. You can easily make your own by visiting the Cheezeburger Factory section of ICanHasCheezeburger.



The picture is an ad for catfood found in a US weekly magazine.

Pop Culture: Paris Hilton Being Released From Prison Today

I know what you are thinking, "a post about Paris Hilton WTF?!" Yeah well this was easy to write about since I actually have a strong opinion on this. I pretty much hate Paris Hilton because she symbolizes for me so much of what is wrong with this world.

This world we live in is all upside down because the "haves" need it to be this way to keep the "have not's" at bay. Let me put it to you this way there are a handful of people controlling most of the world's resources including land, the education systems, governments, law enforcement, armed forces, media, and legal systems through an idea constructed by some men a long time ago called private property.

So a very small number of people own a vastly disproportionate amount of land and other resources and they like to keep it this way and actually make their wealth grow at the expense of everyone else, and what for? Well some have everything so they pursue power; others a life of limitless leisure and pleasure. Sounds like fun eh? I'm sure it is for the few that live that life, such as Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton is the most recognized poster child for all these super rich kids doing what they want because their families happen to own so much of the world. I don't mean spoiled kids whose parents are worth a few million, I'm talking about the big fish, the whales, the $500 million and up club. At least 2 billion people on the planet have to live in extreme poverty for this kind of inequality to be possible. But it's all worth it for these crazy kids, because they are having a blast.

Paris Hilton is not the worst of them, not by a long shot, she is just one of the most recognizable of them. So much so that she had to be sent to jail, because everyone knows who she is. To be sure other rich kids have gotten away with far worse but this time there was no getting out of it for Paris. She didn't even serve 30 days, but jail is no picnic for anyone. So word on the street is she supposedly going to pull an Angelina Jolie, that is become an activist for humanitarian causes like protecting the environment, helping the homeless, etc. What's going to be Paris cause? Imprisoned women.

She says she is going to do a 180 and stop putting on the dumb blonde act and really be her caring self. I'll believe it when I see it. If she does come through and its phony she will still be a bitch, but at least she will be helping out some people rather than no people. So she wants to help women from ending up back in jail. This is a good cause because the prison system leaves you so messed up that once you get out and serve your time it becomes that much harder to lead a life that can keep you out of trouble. Its damn hard to get a job once you are out of the big house. You become restricted to low paying jobs like Walmart where you will be made to work part time and get no benefits. At that point you might consider taking the risk and maybe steal something from your low paying job. If you get caught you face even harsher penalties. And since you are poor you will get shitty representation provided by the shitty state.

Here's to hoping Paris Hilton can do something for the greater good for once even if it just for PR. I hope it becomes trendy enough to expose this kind of "charity" for what it really is, so it can bring light to all the billionaire so called "philanthropists" that have much more sinister motives in where they donate their plunder.

Follow Up On 70-Year Old Virgin: Too Sick To Have Sex, Death Imminent

My youngest dog who is 10 human years old has had doggy heart disease for about a year. He has been taking medication daily for about 6 months to help combat this and prolong his life. Lately he has been wheezing and unable to complete his short walks requiring me to pick him up and carry him home while my older dog Junior, his dad, pees merrily on the neighborhood trees.

I took Jet to the vet to see whats up with his worsening symptoms. The prognosis wasn't so good. He said he has more fluid in his lungs, and his heart is enlarged. There is not much that can be done now. He will try a new set of drugs that might prolong his life a bit but will cause his liver damage later should he survive more than a year. Basically he said he could die at any moment and that living past this year is unlikely. Now I have to decide if I should let him live out his last days progressively getting worse, or put him to sleep so he doesn't suffer. I kinda would like to see him go out bangin some hot bitch, and who knows, he might just live through it.

Its sad that he has not lived as full a life as he deserved to live. His formative years were spent hiding in the bathroom next to the toilet while all sorts of family drama played out at home. He never got a chance to swim in a pool or a pond. He never got to bang Paris Hilton's dog Tinkerbell. He would have turned that bitch out. He never got to spread his genes into a new generation. He never got a chance to bite a small child whose arm is dangling out the side of a stroller. He never got to pee on a person's leg. He never got to take out a pigeon in the park. Poor Jet, you will be sorely missed. Things just will not be the same without you.

Happy 65th Birthday Paul McCartney: Music Review of Memory Almost Full

Happy belated birthday Paul. Now your 65 but we still love you. This week I'm taking a look at Paul McCartney's latest CD, Memory Almost Full, which has been heavily praised in the research I've done. He is one of my favorite artists ever and I will try to be as unbiased as possible in my review but you've been warned. This is his first album since he left EMI to be the first artist on the new Starbucks label. To start off with I'm not crazy about the cover art. Its a disappointment really.

Please note that I don't give lyrics as much weight as melody, musicality, composition, the overall feel of the song, and how memorable it is. I think music is universal and should be able to communicate without one understanding the language.

The Good

Track 1: "Dance Tonight" (2:52)

First thing about this song is that it reminds me of "Ram On" off of his second solo album titled Ram. It is simple with sparse instrumentation which gives it a very intimate feel until the other instruments come in, making it feel like a party or jam. The but as always the melody is strong and catchy. I believe this is the first single. You can see the official Michel Gondry directed video on YouTube and on his website. The video also stars the always enchanting Natalie Portman.

Track 2: "Ever Present Past" (2:54)

I've heard this song on the radio and it really sounds like Wings era McCartney. I thought it might have been an old Wings song I never heard. Its a bit too much of a happy song, but still very catchy. He's good at writing those but I like it when he departs from that a bit to explore some more complex melodies that might be a bit more melancholy, which is why I loved his last album Chaos and Creation in the Backyard, and consider it far superior to this one despite many of the contrary reviews I've read.

Track 5: "You Tell Me" (3:16)

This is one of the sadder more serious songs I've been waiting for. Too bad it doesn't come until Track 5. I expected this album to be more heartfelt and aching coming off a failed marriage to Heather Mills McCartney. So far this is the best song.

Track 6: "Mister Bellamy" (3:39)

I like the opening piano hook, but like the earlier tracks this just sounds too polished and over-produced like 80's or early 90's McCartney. At times I can see this song being a latter day Beatles song. He should have finished this song as the Beatles would have with weeping slide guitar fills as George Harrison might have played and with some trademark Beatlesque harmonies. It has a sort of pointless outro. This song is interesting though.

Track 8: "Vintage Clothes" (2:22)

I think I hear a melotron on this one. Could it be another masterpiece like Strawberry Fields Forever? Um, no sorry. It does have its moments. Sounds like early Wings which is not a bad thing at all to sound like. I'm not into whistling in a song, but he pulls it off on this one.

Track 10: "Feet In The Clouds" (3:24)

From the start I liked where this was going. A very pretty ballad that also could have easily been a later Beatles song. At times it doesn't go where you think it was going to go, which disappointed me. Paul starts to get a bit prog-rock in the middle but then takes it to an old school rock direction to finish it off. This song has 3 distinct personalities but I wouldn't call it a transitiony song like Radiohead's Paranoid Android. This guy is a master at crafting songs.


The So So

Track 3: "See Your Sunshine" (3:17)

This song is competent but rather forgettable except for the intro chorus. Could have been promising but its lyrics are just too cliche. How the hell do you make an accent on the e? I don't see this going anywhere really. It might grow on me but I kind of doubt it. This is one of his R&B type songs. Skipping to the next track.

Track 7: "Gratitude" (3:17)

This is a bluesy ballad that doesn't quite measure up to his other songs. As always there are some catchy hooks and nice choruses. It's his own fault for raising the bar so high. I don't really look into lyrics but a pet peeve of mine is repeating any one word to death, and that happens in this song with the word "gratitude."

Track 9: "That Was Me" (2:39)

This an old school rock song that is one of those self referential songs in the vein of The Beatles' Glass Onion. I'm not crazy about it musically but it is nostalgic and makes me think about all the great music he's created for us so I can dig this.

The Bad

Track 4: "Only Mama Knows" (4:17)

This song starts off very promising with its strings intro but then it gets "rockin" but in a cheesy way. Another song that sounds over produced from the 80's and 90's. I don't like where the song went after such a promising intro. I don't know if this will grow on me.

Track 11: "House Of Wax" (4:59)

This is a slow song that takes a while to build up. From the start it seems like this will build up to one of those epic type songs he has on almost every album. One of those songs that gets progressively more busy. I'm not a big fan of those generally at least not when he does it. There is a guitar solo in it that is a throwback to his days in Wings. This is a track I will skip next time.

Track 12: "End Of The End" (2:52)

This is actually the first song I heard on the radio one day while driving listening to Breakfast With The Beatles on Q104.3 FM. This song sounds like he's about to die or something. A song he would write about his own death. Maybe the lyrics say something about this. Musically its rather uninteresting so the lyrics are probably important. I'll listen more closely to it later unless I skip this track again.

Track 13: "Nod Your Head" (1:55)

Starts out with an interesting lead guitar but it just doesn't deserve to be an actual listed track. I seriously heard much better unreleased stuff from him that I wonder why he didn't make this into a hidden bonus track. I friggin love bonus tracks! Even the little song within a song you can hear in the "Dance Tonight" video would have been a better ending track. Yea this one is pretty much crap. Sorry Paul.

Overall I would place this somewhere between Flaming Pie and Driving Rain. It has songs that I like and that I think can end up on a future greatest hits record. This is a decent album for him I guess, its hard to top yourself when you have raised the bar so high. This album has its moments but I would have left all the songs on The Bad section as B-sides or online exclusives. I have spent a weekend listening to this album so its a bit early. I might have to post an updated review a month from now when this album has some time to grow on me and I can pay more attention to the lyrics.

On a scale of 1 to 100 (because a 5 star rating system is not fair).

Memory Almost Full scores a biased 77 and is totally worth checking out if you are a big fan like I am.

I CAN HAS PAGE 1 ON DIGG. The LOLCATS Are Officially Taking Over The Internet

Their presence can no longer be ignored. The LOLCATS have invaded the internet and probably your office if it's anything like mine. Just what are these LOLCATS aka ICAN... It's a compound of LOL (laughing out loud) and cats (yea the animals). It is basically an image macro featuring cats. An image macro is an image with text superimposed on it. For some reason these are incredibly amusing, funny, and addictive like fake tans are to guidos.

Some common conventions used are sans serif font, all caps, silly spellings of words (HAI for hi, Bai for bye), exclamations, and many captions start with "IM IN UR VERB, VERBING YOUR NOUN." The caption is basically a speech balloon or thought bubble of the cat in the image or a description of the image. It often reads like baby talk specially since a lot of the cats in the images are kittens. Here is a brilliant LOLCAT example. You can find lots of these on the popular ICANHASCHEEZEBURGER.com and image sharing sites like Flickr and Photobucket.

LOLCATS are an evolution of the O RLY image macros that feature owls. Another similar image macro that can be found often labled as LOLCAT are pictures of walruses with captions about buckets (spelled buckit). There really is no limit to what animal pictures you can use and you need not pigeonhole yourselves to adding text to animal pictures. Here is a great example of an LOLCAT inspired image macro. It doesn't stop there either. It has spawned LOLDOGS, LOLBOTS, and even a new coding language often called LOLcode.

Missing: iRiver 320, Last Seen At The Village Tavern in Manhattan

This weekend has sucked for me. I lost my MP3 player. But it was so much more than a simple MP3 player. It was an iRiver H320, the first portable MP3 player with a color screen. But its not so much that it was an MP3 player, it contained irreplaceable content.

One of my oldest hobbies is writing music and songs. I used to record my musical ideas on a simple cassette recorder, then on a small 4 track recorder, then I moved into the digital age and got a portable Sony mini disc player, then I went on to my iRiver MP3 player which had a built in mic that recorded directly to MP3 saving me tons of space to record my musical ideas (rough demos). Its been working for me since 2004 and it was so handy that I had 2 of them. One of them died on me taking some of my best material from 2005 with it before I had a chance to upload it to my computer. Never again i swore to myself that I would let something like this happen. Of course it happened again thanks to everyones favorite XXX, alcohol.

I need your help readers. I know the item was lost at the Village Tavern which is where it was last seen. It is old and beat up with obvious wear and tear and pretty much useless without its charger. It takes forever to load but it is important to me for the reasons stated above. I must have it back. If you know anyone that has information that can lead to the recovery of the lost device do not hesitate to contact me. Leave me a comment or something. I need that shit back to recover my songs. There is a generous reward for anyone that can help me get it back. This is like the time Eminem lost his notebook of lyrics and freaked out about eventually getting it back by paying out a reward of $1 million dollars. I have nowhere near $1 million but am willing to do all sorts of sexual favors, or hook you up with some drugs of your choice. I kid I kid.

Music Reviews: Queens Of The Stone Age - Era Vulgaris (2007)

It's not often that I get excited about new music. Maybe its that I'm getting older and not as hungry as I once was to discover new music, or maybe its that a lot of stuff out there that reaches my ears just isn't very good (sucks ass). I'm thinking its the latter.

One of the few bands of the modern era (last 10 years) that I really like is Queens Of The Stone Age often abbreviated as QOTSA. These guys led by lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist Josh Homme, rock and often rock hard. Their new album Era Vulgaris is the bands 5th studio album in 9 years. Their lineup is different this time around than in albums past. Most notable is the absence of bassist / occasional singer Nick Oliveri who was fired by Josh Homme in 2004 for beating his wife.

This time around they get some help from Trent Reznor of NIN lends background vocals on the track "Era Vulgaris" which was cut from the album at the last minute. I don't know how much he influenced this album but I can swear there is more keyboards on this album.

The Good

Track 1: "Turnin' On The Screw"
30 seconds into the first song on the new album got me thinking "oh man this album could be ovary smashing good! They did it again!" But my high expectations start to diminish once the vocals begin. Since its hard to maintain that kind of ass kickary for long.

Track 3: "I'm Designer"
Another song that grows on you. Mean and dirty verse with a pretty melodic chorus. This is a common style for the band but is more evident on this album and in particular this song. I'm a fan of that kind of duality in a song. They make it work so its catchy and melodic but badass at the same time. Kind of like a man and a woman becoming one.

Track 4: "Into The Hollow"
This song starts off with a rockin' drum groove then vocals enter followed by lead guitar that is spot on but never overdone. Brilliant song construction. The vocals are very mellow and the chorus is again much prettier than the verses with a good melody. Hooks rule.

Track 6: "Battery Acid"
Damn this song is badass. This is a good song to beat up children to. It reminds one of their early material then comes the seemingly out of place chorus that seems too pretty for this song but fits right in. A short guitar solo follows. This should be a fun song live in concert.

Track 7: "Make It Wit Chu"
This is their R&B piano pounder song. It is more soulful than the other songs and features female background vocals. Its groovy and melodic in an old school way. Kind of like the Rolling Stones. It is radio friendly as well but I doubt it will be a single.

Track 8: "3's and 7's"
Another highlight of this album IMHO, is track 8 "3's and 7's." It starts off with just one guitar (sound similar to Smells Like Teen Spirit) before other instruments are introduced and take it to another place all its own. I love the lead guitar touches on this song. This is a very radio friendly song and I expect it to be a single with a cheesy video as is their trademark.

Track 9: "Suture Up Your Future"
One of the "softer" songs for QOTSA and one of the better songs on the album. Very melodic and ambient in a good way.

Track 10: "River In The Road"
For a band renown for their awesome drum parts this album is not as brilliant as the others drum-wise. It still rocks but is not as interesting. Its much more simplified, except for this song. This is one of their darker songs with not much hook or moment of prettiness. This song lives and dies by the drums.


The Bad

Track 2: "Sick, Sick, Sick"
This song sounds like a bad rip off of Dave Grohl's Foo Fighters' song "All My Life" but nowhere nearly as good. Dave played drums for QOTSA on their best album to date the incredibly awesome Songs For The Deaf.

Track 5: "Misfit Love"
This song is just OK in my book. Its classic QOTSA though, if you like their early stuff. I'm more into the more melodic songs than the attitude songs which this one clearly is. Not that this song doesn't have its moments but it doesn't come around until 4+ minutes into the songs. I'm not crazy about songs that don't really get to the good part (the chorus) until the end.

Track 12: "Run Pig Run"
This is another of those attitude songs I'm not crazy about. It is a dark song that is almost menacing. What do you expect with a name like "Run Pig Run." It's a bit too much for me. Don't get me wrong it has its interesting moments musically. Some lead guitar parts remind me of the Pixies which is a good thing.

Please note I have not factored in lyrics into this review since that is chick stuff. As a musician I'm more interested in musicality, melody, feel of the song, how memorable it is, how the song is put together, the energy, and lastly lyrics.

Overall I would place this somewhere between Songs For The Deaf and Rated R. It has songs that I like and are simple enough to cover. It leaves you wondering why you didn't write that song. I have spent a weekend listening to this album so its a bit early. I might have to post an updated review a month from now when this album has some time to grow on me.

On a scale of 1 to 100 (because a 5 star rating system is not fair).

Era Vulgaris gets an 84 and is totally worth checking out if you are into rock and roll that is not dated in a moment in time like the emo garbage out there.

A Recap: The Sopranos Series Finale "Made In America"

Sunday nights series finale of HBO's critically acclaimed hit show The Sopranos was a big-time disappointment. It's not that it was bad per se its just that we all expected so much more from arguably the best TV drama of all time. Part of it was that my expectations were higher than with most series finale's but thats because the series as a whole was so damn good. The last season was one of the worst if not THE worst season.

Episode 86 - "Made In America"

Highlights

Tony wakes up in the morning gets himself a gun. Meets up with the FBI agent to give him some new terrorist information in exchange for Phil Leotardo's whereabouts, but doesn't get it.

Tony visits Carmela and family at their temporary hideout house. Carmela complains about the smells and how she wants to be back in her mansion. Carmela makes yet another racist comment about AJ's ex fiance the MILF Blanca.

Tony befriends stray cat that freaks out Paulie who calls it "a snake with fur." The cat is good at catching mice and staring at Christopher's picture on the wall at the back of The Bada Bing.

NY crew talks with Phil. Phil is upset they still have not gotten the job done. The NY family sort of suggests making peace with the NJ crew after weeks of trying to track down Tony to kill him.

Tony has a sit-down with prominent Brooklyn captains about squashing the beef between the 2 families. The Brooklyn family acknowledges that Phil has changed. Tony is given the OK to take out Phil, but NY will not tip him off as to where he is.

As expected Phil Leotardo gets whacked after Tony gets a good tip about his wherabouts by the FBI agent Harris (he's been making too many appearances on the show this season). Phil gets shot at a gas station and then has his head run over by his wife's car. Eyewitness vomits at the sight.

Janice talks to Tony about her situation (raising her kid and Bobby's kids). Tony senses she wants to abandon Bobby's kid, since she is after all a bitch. Tony visits Uncle Junior at the psych hospital to make sure he does not let Janice know where his stash of cash is because she will take it for herself and shaft Bobby's kids. Uncle Junior is too far gone to even recognize Tony much less some stash.

AJ finally hooks up with his hottie friend, who we learn is a junior in high school. Score! But as they sit in the car listening to Bob Dylan and then make out the car catches fire because he was sitting idle on top of dry leaves. His yellow SUV blows up. Nissan cringes as Xterra sales will surely plummet.

AJ feels reborn since the accident with the SUV and after much thinking while jogging has decided to join the armed forces. Tony and Carmela don't like the idea of AJ becoming cannon fodder so they propose to him an alternative solution that appeals to his dark side. They get him a BMW M3 and an entry level job on the set of a movie Carmine Jr. is producing.

Tony asks Paulie Walnuts to take over Bobby's crew, Paulie declines saying that the crew is cursed since all the captains to that crew have died. Tony does some Jedi mind tricks on him and Paulie reluctantly accepts the position (spoilers all over the net had Paulie being handed the position of boss).

The episode ends in a diner where Tony arrives and selects Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" on the mini jukebox. Carmela enters as music starts. AJ then arrives right behind a mysterious fellow in a members only jacket (Phil's nephew?). Meadow takes forever to parallel park. She is about to enter, Tony looks towards the door. Cut to black, kill the music. The End. Millions of people all over mistakenly think something is wrong with their cable or TV.

The America Motif

America and the American condition (Americana, perpetual war, the American dream, etc.) is a theme throughout. Phil has his head run over by his wife's car a Ford (made in America) SUV. AJ thinks about joining the US Army to fight terrorism in Afghanistan. FBI agent tips off Tony as to Phil's location. American flags are all over the place. At Bobby Baccala's funeral we hear the younger generation have an all too typical American conversation revolving around such things as the Acadamy Awards and American Idol that symbolizes the rags to riches American dream ideal that is often perpetuated in the United States. Phil's head gets run over by a Ford SUV. The last scene in the diner (how American) shows a man wearing a hat that reads "USA." We also see a family with what looks like Boy Scouts (their kids).